The first stage of a relationship is associated by everyone with butterflies in the stomach and the desire to spend time just the two of them. However, this state passes over time, and that’s when routine in the relationship and the first major crises in the relationship appear. This is often associated with minor quarrels and a reduced desire for sex. So how do you rekindle the fire in a relationship? We have prepared a short guide.

Table of Contents:

Stages of love

When we meet someone that makes our heart beat much faster, we often find ourselves making long-range plans for the future. However, not every such meeting eventually develops into a permanent relationship for years. According to scientists, a couple must go through as many as three stages of love for this to happen. The first of these is falling in love. This period usually lasts up to two years after the first date. That’s when the butterflies in the stomach appear, and thoughts revolve mainly around this loved one. The next stage is called the romantic beginning, and it too lasts about two years. Then the couples get to know each other more deeply, know most of their secrets and still love being in each other’s company. Very often at this stage there is also a breakup or taking the more obliging step of getting engaged and married.

The final stage of love is known as the “love” stage. relationship complete. During this time, there is a complete strengthening of ties with your partner, getting used to his habits and possible changes in your own. At this stage, interest in sex also often declines and confessions of love are rare.

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Unbearable routine in a relationship

The unbearable routine gets every relationship without exception, and there is virtually no way to escape it. After several years of being in a relationship, partners stop professing love to each other every day, whispering tender words and having passionate sex several times a week. If, in the meantime, there are children, work and credit, then thoughts of a partner fall to the background. Instead, there is fatigue, sleepless nights, stress and lots of responsibilities.

Routine, unfortunately, can stand in the way of happiness in most relationships. Then the first serious crises also appear, and it is only up to ourselves to overcome them.

When does the first crisis in a relationship come?

Numerous studies on the subject prove that the first major crises usually occur after 4 years in a relationship. To overcome them, partners often have to put a lot of work into the relationship. Mutual blame-shifting is not a solution, and only conversation and a willingness to cooperate can overcome all obstacles.

After several years in a relationship, especially when intimate liaison wanes, partners look elsewhere for sex. In Poland, there is a difference in infidelity statistics depending on the source and the group studied. However, most studies show an upward trend in the number of people admitting to infidelity. According to various sources, between 29% and 38% of women and between 39% and 52% of men in Poland admit to infidelity. The innovative survey technique (the so-called random response technique) that CBOS used effectively removes the embarrassment and discomfort of speaking out on topics that are negatively perceived in society. What to do in such a situation?

relationship crisis
Photo: Depositphotos

Couples therapy

One of the most common solutions is couples therapy and a visit to a sexologist. Often, a third party can better help look at the relationship from the side, so that partners understand what led them to such a serious crisis. The therapist will also suggest how to rekindle the fire in the relationship. This is crucial if the couple wants to rectify the mistakes of the past and move forward building a stable relationship that is based on trust.

Also, a sexologist can be helpful, especially when relationship problems are related to lack of intimate intercourse or infidelity. Most people who decide to cheat on their partner are looking for very different emotions, so learning about these needs can be crucial.

How to rekindle the fire in a relationship?

The question of how to rekindle the fire in a relationship is one of the most frequently asked questions on Google. Contrary to appearances, it is not only women who ask about this, but also men. If you care about your partner and want the relationship to get back on track when there were still butterflies in your belly, it’s worth knowing some ways to fix it. However, it should be remembered that the work should be done by both parties, only then it will bring the expected results.

Sexy surprises

The first way is surprises, and preferably sexy ones. This doesn’t mean you have to invade your partner at the office in just your underwear, but if you offer to take a candlelit bath together in the evening, it’s already a good move. In addition to bathing, you can also offer him a massage using aromatic oils.

To further stimulate his imagination, send him a spicy text message or a photo of yourself in lingerie during the day. She will certainly be counting down the time until she finally gets home. Such games can be very engaging and effectively engage both partners.

A weekend just for two

Another idea to rekindle the fire in a relationship is to go away just the two of you. It doesn’t have to be a week right away, even a weekend once in a while is enough. If you have children, leave them in the care of their grandparents and go where you can enjoy yourself. In winter it can be a cottage in the mountains, where you will warm up in the evening with a bottle of red wine and a fireplace. In the summer, on the other hand, a great idea might be a lake house, where only the sound of crickets will accompany you as you fall asleep.

During this time, try not to use the phones or answer e-mail. Devote this time only to the other person and enjoy yourselves. Let it be a special time spent just the two of you.

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A date in the city

However, when you can’t even afford a weekend trip, a date out on the town is also a good idea. Probably the last time the two of you went out to a movie or restaurant was at the very beginning of your relationship? Therefore, this is a good time to introduce such a custom again. Do something you’ve always lacked the time or motivation for. Have fun just like in the good old days when you were just starting to date. Go to a recommended restaurant or have a picnic in the park. This way you will spend time just the two of you, in perfect moods and free from everyday worries. Don’t talk about work, just enjoy yourself.

Photo: Depositphotos

Underwear not only for a special occasion

To rekindle the fire in your relationship, it’s also a good idea to take a look at your closet. It seems trivial, but… often women choose cotton underwear out of convenience, rarely buying themselves something sexy. Even if they have such a set at the bottom of their closet, they only wear it on special occasions, once or twice a year at the most. It’s time to change that! It’s no secret that men are sightseers, so in the morning before you leave for work, put on sexy lingerie and sneak in front of your partner so he can see you. This will definitely work, plus it will motivate him to give more frequent gifts! Instead of an obnoxious box of chocolates bought at the last minute, your partner is definitely more likely to buy you another set of lingerie.

The magical power of rituals

To change something in your relationship, you should also think about introducing new rituals. Instead of falling asleep on the couch once again on the weekend while watching a boring movie on Netflix, move to the bedroom. Light candles and enjoy each other’s company, exactly like when you just met.

In addition, introduce shared meals. Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be standing in the kitchen – take turns cooking or do it together! A romantic dinner once a week, with candlelight, mood music and a glass of wine is the perfect plan for the evening!

Tender Words

In addition to shared meals and rituals that are worth introducing when wanting to rekindle the fire in a relationship, you should also think about affectionate words. It is very common for couples with many years of relationship to stop professing love, hugging or kissing each other goodnight. The unbearable routine and the flurry of responsibilities make us forget such simple activities that can really do a lot. Of course, it’s not about professing love to your partner several times a day, as this can look artificial. Weave it into your daily activities. Tell your husband that it suits him in a new shirt, write in lipstick on the mirror that you love him or kiss him passionately at bedtime. He will certainly want to return the favor.

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Going out alone

Couples who have been together for many years very often only go out together anymore. So it is worth thinking about going out alone. An evening out with girlfriends, a weekend trip to the spa, or even going to the movies alone can make your partner miss you and even feel a little jealous. The fact that you are together does not at all mean that everything should be done by two of you. Sometimes it’s good to take a break from each other and do something just for yourself. Instead of hanging with your friend on the phone next time, go out together in the evening. Also give the same space to your partner. It works on the principle of a Martian rubber band that, when loosened, comes back twice as fast.

New sexual positions

And when you get home… try completely new sexual positions. Suggest changes to your partner, he will surely be happy about them. It is a good idea to rekindle the fire in the relationship especially in those couples whose intimate rapprochement is becoming less frequent or limited to one position. Changes in the bedroom will help you rediscover your sexuality and will effectively ignite the fire not only in the bedroom, but also in the relationship. This will make you want to have sex more often and make it much more enjoyable.

Honest conversation

Although we mention it at the end, it is by far the most important way to rekindle the fire in a relationship. A frank conversation about your needs and feelings can really work wonders. Partners’ needs may change over the years, so it’s worth talking about them. A steady and stable relationship requires hard work. Instead of guessing how you can rekindle the fire in him, ask your partner directly. Set an agenda together, make a date, plan a trip and just spend some time just the two of you.

Routine in a relationship
Photo: Depositphotos

Old love never rusts

It is said that old love does not rust, and it is not hard to disagree. It only needs to be refreshed and oiled a bit. If you’re wondering how to rekindle the fire in your relationship start by having a frank conversation with your partner, and then make some changes together that will completely change it for the better. Say “I love you” not only on holidays, spend time together not only when calculating taxes, and go out not only for shopping. These small gestures will make you feel like you’re on a first date again.

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