Toxic relationship: how to break free from it

Ending a relationship is never easy, especially when partners have been together for many years. Unfortunately, not all relationships are sustainable and good for mental health. Often women forget about their personal space and put their partner’s well-being above their own. It is also not uncommon for them to sacrifice their time, money and even acquaintances. A toxic relationship, as it is referred to, is a relationship that requires sacrifices, unfortunately only on the part of one of the partners, and escaping from it is not so easy. So how do you break free from it and how do you recover from it?

A man falls in love three times

According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, most people fall in love three times in their lives. So you can list youthful love, difficult love and lifelong affection. The latter is often just called toxic love. This is because people are just learning what they expect from relationships. It’s learning from one’s mistakes often bought with tears. If a partner perceives that a woman is confused, he can use this to his advantage. Then there are lies and manipulations to influence the other person. Breaking free from this type of relationship is very difficult and can often take years. A woman then can’t imagine life without a man who seems to be the best candidate. But the truth is that in most cases he is a narcissist and sociopath who does everything for his own gain, including material gain.

Editorial recommends: The power of hormones in female sexual desire.

How did this happen?

Most women caught up in a toxic relationship have no idea how it happened. This is usually because they carry from home patterns based on emotional emptiness. If at home the parents did not show their child the proper warmth and care, in the future the child simply does not know that such feelings have a point at all. For years, psychologists have been saying that children who have not felt loved have numerous complexes, lowered self-esteem and find it hard to build a healthy relationship while being an adult. Any partner who tries to show them is crossed out right away, because the unknown seems unsuitable for such a person.

So they most often associate with like-minded people who also have trouble showing any affection. To drown out their thoughts, they also often turn to stimulants, of which there is no shortage in toxic relationships. Women caught up in a toxic relationship usually also have a need to take care of the other person even at the expense of their own mental and physical health. What they don’t see is that they are losing themselves in this relationship that leads nowhere. That’s why ending it is so difficult, because they believe that the partner can eventually change.

Toxic partner – toxic relationship

It’s not that they don’t realize that the relationship is disastrous. In most cases, they are aware of this, but are unable to build a relationship model other than the toxic one. Even if they try to leave, very often they return to a partner who promises to change and that they can be happy together. This desire to save the world and, above all, to help their toxic partner makes them stick by them even despite their many lies and arguments.

A toxic man primarily makes a woman feel guilty, even when she hasn’t done anything. Even the smallest mistake can grow to enormous proportions, making her self-esteem plummet and making her feel worthless. At this time he is always looking for excuses for his actions, even if he is at fault. He considers it normal to check his phone or his partner’s account balance. He has the need to constantly control the other person, while having numerous secrets. Among them are also the betrayals he commits. Moreover, he also blames his partner for them.

Family relations

These types of relationships are particularly difficult especially when children come into the picture. The partner tells the woman that without him she is nothing and will not make it in life. It also happens that he threatens to take away her children, who are often her only light in the tunnel. In such a situation, she has no choice but to continue in this toxic relationship.

An additional factor that makes her reluctant to leave her partner is the fear of being left alone or ending up even worse. In most cases, the relationships we form are based on patterns brought from home. This is why women who witnessed domestic violence in childhood very often also experience it themselves, as they subconsciously seek partners similar to their own father.

Toxic person

Entering a toxic relationship with a sociopath is often fraught with the fact that a woman has little chance of escaping it. Such a man loves to humiliate the other person, making him feel even worse. It leads to dependence on the other person. He deliberately downplays its advantages, while exaggerating its disadvantages. At the same time, he considers himself a perfect person who never makes mistakes. It is associated with a narcissistic personality that is unable and unwilling to accept criticism.

The toxic person loves to exert control, making him or herself feel even more valued. He is also a skilled manipulator who turns everything to his advantage. After dead bodies to the goal – this is the unquestioned slogan of such people. They don’t count the feelings of others, because only their own emotions count.

Does the conversation make sense?

All this makes it very difficult, but not impossible, to talk to a toxic person. When making any attempt at a conversation, it is important to focus not only on your own feelings, but also his. This is because it is worth remembering that his behavior is also due to emotional problems that may have accompanied him since his early childhood years. Toxic people need to receive a clear message expressing specific feelings: sadness, fear or anger. Talking around can be completely counterproductive.

In the case of a toxic person, calm is also important. Any aggression or shouting can bring exactly the same from the partner. He responds in exactly the same way, because he cannot do otherwise. It is hard for him to describe his feelings, so this conversation must be conducted as calmly as possible. This can be extremely difficult, so if there is a possibility, it is best to start with therapy with a psychologist who can help rebuild self-esteem and properly prepare for such a conversation.

Also read: Self-esteem, confidence vs. ego …

Is my relationship toxic?

Just seeing a therapist can be a challenge, as people in toxic relationships are stifled and afraid to ask for help. They also think that this is simply the way their reality is supposed to be, so nothing is worth changing. First of all, such a relationship should be treated in completely different terms than a partnership. A toxic relationship is a violent relationship even if there is no physical violence. Verbally vilifying a partner can also destroy the other person. The balance of power in this type of relationship is not equally distributed, and tilts toward the toxic person. It is she who has the upper hand over her partner and it is she who deals the cards in the relationship.

The toxic partner does everything to make the woman dependent on him and uses various actions all the time to achieve his goal. This is a very emotional relationship, as there are repeated outbursts of anger and tantrums between the partners, interspersed with passionate reconciliation. This makes women think even more that their partner cares and can really change. Unfortunately, without outside help and hard work, this change is impossible.

Escape from a toxic relationship

This help is needed by both the toxin and its victim, whose self-esteem usually drops to zero over the course of such a relationship. So in order to reach out for help, first of all, you need to realize the situation you are in. This can be helped by family and friends, who will be a support in these most difficult moments. Often they are the ones who help a woman get back on her feet and believe in herself, and this is precisely the first step towards escaping from a toxic relationship.

No breakup is easy, and in the case of a toxic relationship it is even more difficult. Therefore, the moment you decide to leave it, you should persist in your resolve. It can also make it easier to break off contact completely with your partner, who will do everything to prevent this from happening at all costs. The toxin entwines its victim and even feeds on its weakness, so running away from it is the only salvation to be able to regain one’s self.

Life after the relationship ends

After breaking off a toxic relationship and escaping from a debilitating relationship, it also takes time to get back on your feet. A victim who has been in the clutches of a toxin for years often knows no other reality and does not know that things could be different. So she should go to therapy regularly to learn how to live again and to avoid this type of relationship for the future. To recover from a toxic relationship, the first thing you need to do is believe in yourself and rebuild your self-esteem. This is a very time-consuming process, but worth every bit of energy.

It’s also a good idea to change your residence and phone number, as the toxic person may keep hounding their victim and harassing them with phone calls promising to change. A different environment can work wonders and will allow you to look to the future with hope.

How to avoid a toxic relationship?

To avoid a toxic relationship in the future, it is worth keeping your eyes open. Any signal that a partner exhibits the characteristics of a toxic person should give food for thought. If he manifests a sociopathic and narcissistic personality, manipulates, lies, and at the same time belittles his partner, you should get away from him as soon as possible.

It is worth remembering that such a person does not always behave in the same way, but has a similar modus operandi. Also, her past does not necessarily mean that she is immediately a toxic person. Many different factors may be responsible for it becoming such: traumas, past experiences and even genetic conditions. A good example of this would be the child of an alcoholic. In the future, it may duplicate the pattern of its parent and also slowly roll downhill without shying away from stimulants or, on the contrary, have a complete loathing of alcohol and never touch it. It all depends on the character traits and strength of personality.

A new beginning

A toxic relationship can be very devastating. Often the person who is caught up in it can’t or won’t get out of it, which is why support is so important. As an individual, he does not feel he can fight for a better tomorrow and change anything in his environment. However, this fight for oneself may be the most important in the whole life, because it allows you to regain what was previously in a lost position – “YOU”. A new beginning for a woman then is like being born again, and that is always good news.

Life without excessive control can be exciting and scary at the same time, but definitely worth it to try to live your own way.

Editorial recommends: Morbid jealousy, how to deal with it in a toxic relationship and how to put up with a jealous guy?