Back to the ex - does one step into the same river twice?

The search for the perfect man is by no means a simple matter. Although more and more dating apps are currently available, not everyone out there is focused on creating a permanent relationship. In such a situation, many women consider returning to their “ex.” Theoretically, after all, he already knows it and knows what, if any, can be worked on, but does one step into the same river twice?

Is it possible to return to an ex?

When the moment of separation comes, most couples can’t even imagine a possible return to each other. Often the breakup of a relationship is associated with grief and mutual resentment, and other feelings come only after some time. This is also the moment when one part of women wants to take a break from entering into any kind of serious relationship, while the other part gets into the rhythm of dating to fill the gap left by their ex as soon as possible. Often this condition accompanies several weeks or even several months, especially if the breakup was really painful.

However, when the emotions subside, thoughts of the ex and many questions about the failed relationship come again. Above all, women are looking for a specific reason why the relationship became history. Psychologists also speak openly about the fact that after some time, a person forgets all the bad things, and only good memories remain in the mind. This is also one of the reasons they are considering returning to “ex.”

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Do you step into the same river twice?

Only positive thoughts about a failed relationship can give the illusion that it was perfect. So in order to be able to return to the ex, it is worth reflecting honestly to yourself what in the relationship needed to be changed. Only in this way is it possible to build a healthy relationship without blaming each other. Every relationship requires work on the part of both partners, and if we’re talking about rebuilding it from the ruins, it’s downright double the work. If, for example, the reason for the breakup was infidelity, you should consider why it happened in the first place, whether the party who cheated really regrets his actions, and whether the betrayed party wants to forget the difficult past.

Infidelity is not the only reason why people break up. The truth is that there could be millions of them. Among the most common are a lack of commitment on the part of the partner, too little free time to form a permanent relationship or different lifestyles. An important reason is also the lack of affection. And while certain issues can be worked on, it is difficult to force anyone to feel.

He does not want to return

Unfortunately, a contentious issue when returning to an ex is whether both partners want the same thing. Especially if a deeper feeling has not emerged over the course of the relationship, it can be quite problematic, if not impossible. An ex-partner may not want to waste time and energy on a relationship that has not been emotionally satisfying for him so far. Then telling him and, above all, yourself that this can change is detrimental to both parties.

Strenuously urging your partner to get back together when you see that he or she is not convinced about it is also not a good idea. He may then agree not because of the feelings that drive him, but simply to show that he was right to leave. No one wants to be forced into a relationship, so sometimes it’s better to just let go and move on.

Loose relationship

Sometimes, instead of a permanent relationship, a former partner may offer a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Many women reconcile to him with the idea that sometimes he will understand what they are losing and they will be together again. Unfortunately, the reality in this case can be really painful. If a man gives up a permanent relationship for a casual relationship, he is probably not ready for it, does not love his partner and has completely different priorities. What’s worse, this situation is also very often misleading, because the woman thinks it’s a good way to get back together, while the man is having a good time and without any commitments.

At some point, the question of whether they are together again is bound to be asked, and the answer may be very painful and disappointing. This is precisely one of the reasons why it is better to abandon the return to the “ex”.

Signals that you should get back together

However, the situation is quite different if both the woman and the man are thinking of getting back together. If they both think there is a chance to save it is already half the key to success. This means that both are ready to make changes in life and listen to the other person. If the ex-guy is making an effort and the woman notices changes in his past behavior, this may be a reason to return to him. However, when deciding to return to the “ex,” it is important to take the long view. This is because it happens that changes are made only for a moment to convince the other person. Therefore, the most important thing in this situation is trust and a sense that both of them want changes in their lives.

If, in addition, the ex-partner hasn’t started dating anyone since the breakup, hasn’t installed a dating app and is still asking mutual friends about his “ex,” the chances of a comeback are even higher. Then it is best to meet on neutral ground and talk about the shared past and the possible future of the relationship.

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Pros of returning to a former partner

Many women wonder if it even makes sense to return to an “ex”? Theoretically, there are almost as many men in the world as women, so the chances of meeting another partner are really great. What to do, however, when the heart has chosen the one who, to top it all off, is currently an “ex”. In such a situation, it is worth thinking about whether a feeling of comfort, security and fulfillment has emerged with him, and whether it is a relationship that is promising for the future. If none of these answers is yes, it is worth considering whether there is really any point in renewing the relationship. If the answers are yes, and both sides want it, then there is nothing left to do but try it.

Returning to the “ex” also has its pluses. First of all, it is a person we know enough to know what to expect from him. You don’t have to date and get to know each other from scratch. Contrary to appearances, this is the part that many people dislike and would like to skip it as soon as possible. An emotional connection between two people is a bond that takes a long time to establish, so the fact that it already exists is one of the biggest pluses.

Learning from your mistakes

Returning to an “ex” is also about learning from one’s mistakes. Learning about the causes of relationship breakdown allows you to work on it and try to change it in the future. Conflicts and quarrels in a relationship are perfectly normal and common, but if a couple wants to keep overcoming them together, this can be one of the most important aspects of getting back together.

Psychologists also say that returning to a former partner is much more romantic and even passionate. It is comparable to reconciliation in bed. Usually sex in such a situation is completely different and tastes different. The lovers feel as if they have regained what they lost.

The economic aspect

However, returns are not always considered a sign of maturity and stability. This happens when a couple shares, for example, a common apartment, especially if it is rented. The current rather difficult situation in the real estate market makes it harder for singles to get a loan to buy their own apartment or even to rent one on their own. Both landlords are quite skeptical of this, as are non-unionists. The cost of renting a studio apartment in a larger city is up to several thousand zlotys, so many couples choose to move back together for economic reasons. After all, at a certain age it is easier and more convenient to return to an “ex” than to rent an apartment with a complete stranger.

Distance works for a guy

It is also worth noting that everyone experiences a breakup in their own way. Women tend to dwell much longer on what didn’t work out, while men are definitely quicker to move on to a new future. So if a woman is considering returning to her “ex,” she sometimes has to show not only patience, but also ingenuity. Being inundated with messages and phone calls from your ex every day can be tiresome for him and he is bound to feel stranded. In the first weeks after the breakup, he needs space to think about the former relationship, only then will he be able to draw constructive conclusions and think about a possible return.

The best solution is distance. A healthy and controlled indifference to a man can bring surprising results. He will then make it a point of honor to win back his former partner. In addition, “chasing the bunny” can be considered a kind of flirtation, which will also ignite affection between partners.

What if…

If the question “what if?” still pops up in your mind after you became single, it’s worth trying again. Even if the relationship doesn’t last again or your “ex” doesn’t want to come back to you, you will be aware that you tried. However, it is worthwhile to be guided by your rational feelings in all this, without making a hasty decision on the spur of the moment. This can result in building a toxic relationship from which it will be even harder to break free over time.

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