According to the survey, we have almost 8 million singles in Poland. However, the number could actually be much higher. Why? Because many women (and men) can’t live alone. Even if the current relationship doesn’t suit them and they even get tired of it, they would rather stay in it than leave. The eternal bride syndrome may be affecting more and more people. Why can’t women be alone?
Being with someone by force, especially when we are aware that we are not getting along and are not happy causes us to be stuck in a toxic relationship. It is toxic for both parties. Without affection and without commitment on our part and that of our partner, this relationship cannot succeed. And when instead of leaving, we are still in it, the problem only grows. Over time, habit comes, we become comfortable, and although arguments arise, drastic character differences come to the surface, and even our self-esteem declines, we leave it as it is. So why can’t women be alone?
Research in this case also leaves no illusions. As many as 70% of those surveyed said their relationship was toxic. Why is this happening? In Poland, we still have too little public education on the subject. In addition, women over 30 who are single face social ostracism and judgment from friends and family.
Shame, shame and more shame
Why can’t women be alone? Many of them choose to stay in relationships with no future because of shame. Above all, they are ashamed to admit to themselves that they can’t or don’t want to be alone. For this reason, they often enter into relationships one after another. They leave themselves neither space nor time for reflection. Then they don’t learn from their mistakes and mostly duplicate the same patterns.
It is supposedly said that according to research, we fall in love three times in life. But it actually makes sense if you really love the person you are with. And this, despite appearances, is not so obvious at all. Women who enter a relationship one by one usually stop only at the stage of temporary infatuation, and when it passes they already know that theoretically nothing more will come of it. Exactly, theoretically. Because in practice they don’t want to be alone, they don’t want to look for and date again. They are tired of it, so they would rather leave it as it is than walk away.
Economic issues are also very important here. The life of a single woman is much more expensive. You have to pay the rent or bills yourself. And if you add to that the issue of paying for renting an apartment or repaying a loan, it is often the case that they are barely enough to make it to the first. Also, the government is reluctant to support singles because they are unproductive, according to politicians. They have no relief or support from the state. All government programs support young couples or families with children.
According to the Good Housekeeping Institute, singles also spend a great deal of money on dating! Dinners, wine, flowers, a new dress, a hairdresser… it all costs money, and what’s more, there’s never any assurance that it will pay off in the form of a permanent relationship. So why can’t women be alone? In many cases, they simply don’t want to or can’t afford it. They can’t afford to live alone. It has not been known for a long time that men often earn much more than women who are in the same positions. That’s why they persist in relationships that make them feel they have security and financial stability, even if there is no longer any feeling in that relationship, or worse, there never was. That would explain why women can’t be alone.
Through the sudden rise in inflation and drastic price increases, people are choosing to enter into ill-considered relationships with increasing frequency. On many online forums you can find discussions about entering into relationships for economic reasons. Magda writes: “On New Year’s Eve at a friend’s house I met a guy, we were on two dates and I immediately proposed to him to live together. When they raised my loan installment by almost 1,300 zlotys in March, I had no other choice, I couldn’t afford it.” Magda’s case is by no means isolated. There are many more similar comments.
What will the family say about all this?
An important consideration is also what the family will say. Until now, during family gatherings, questions are repeatedly asked about when they will meet a partner, when the woman plans to settle down and get married. A girl who does not use her first name mentions on one of the forums: “21 years old I am. A boyfriend I’ve never had before is a shame? From my family it’s already an aunt, an uncle a couple of cousins, my brother-in-law’s mother asked so many times when I’m going to date someone (…)” That’s why many of them choose to form relationships with random people. They want to avoid those questions and stares at the Christmas dinner. Questions from an aunt or cousins can be really tiresome, and can even cause lowered self-confidence and the appearance of complexes. “What’s wrong with me?” – they probably have to wonder more than once when the lights go out in the house and all the guests leave.
A good example is the popular 2005 film “Pretty Man.” The main character, Kat hires a boyfriend for her younger sister’s wedding. She decides to take this step in order not to come off as an old maid in the eyes of her family. However, life writes similar scenarios, and there are really a lot of announcements on online forums about finding a partner for a wedding or family dinner. Moving with the times, special portals have even been created to facilitate this search. Contrary to appearances, they are extremely popular, as can be seen by their number.
“I don’t know how to live alone.”
Probably the most popular perpetual bride is Jennifer Lopez. She has stood at the altar four times, but has been engaged many more times. In an interview already given a few years ago, she openly admitted: “One thing I can’t change, I can’t live alone. I have to learn it.” She first married in 1997 to a waiter she met at a Miami restaurant. The marriage ended just less than a year later. Her partners may also include P. Diddy, Criss Judg (who also became her husband), Marc Anthony (husband number three), Casper Smart or Alex Rodriguez, with whom she broke off her engagement just a year ago. She immediately returned to Ben Affleck after a high-profile breakup 20 years later. The couple got married on July 16 of this year. Immediately after the event, the singer published a lengthy post on her Instagram: “We did it. Love is beautiful. Love is gracious. And it turns out that love is patient. Patient for 20 years.” (…) for the world to know that we are partners and have declared our love through the eternal and universal symbol that is marriage.” (…) When love is real, the only thing that really counts in marriage is people and the promise of love, care, understanding, patience and kindness for each other.”
Jennifer Lopez is a classic example of a woman who seamlessly enters into a succession of relationships without a single moment to rest and be alone with herself. Marriages made on impulse ended as quickly as they began.
Alone, not lonely
A panicky fear of loneliness can mess up one’s life quite badly. Women enter into relationships without any consideration, and only after a long time, when they actually get to know their partner, do they come to the conclusion that it can’t work and they have nothing in common. However, is being single the end of the world? Why can’t women be alone?
When we have a supportive family, devoted friends, a dream job and passions to indulge in, it’s easier to be alone. This is because being single doesn’t mean loneliness at all, it worked the same way the other way. Being in a relationship does not necessarily make women stop feeling lonely. And that is much worse. They feel misunderstood, unaccepted, complexes and a sense of general hopelessness emerge.
Happy with herself
To be happy in a relationship, one must learn to be happy alone. A little healthy selfishness has never hurt anyone yet. Then we can experience new things and rediscover ourselves. Moreover, this is the time when we can decide what we really want and expect. Every GentleWoman knows how important it is to love herself first and foremost. Therefore, do not be afraid to stand in front of the mirror and say out loud: “I am a Woman. I am GentleWoman!”