Daughter-in-law-father-in-law relations have stirred up considerable controversy for centuries. Relations with her husband’s mother are not always as ideal as we would like them to be. Nicola Peltz, who quite recently stood on the wedding cake with the son of the famous spicette – Brooklyn Beckham, also found out about it. As you can see, this problem can affect any woman regardless of background or social status. Is Victoria Beckham an example of a toxic mother-in-law?
The beginning of the conflict with the mother-in-law
You’ve been together for six years, but you’ve known each other much longer. You had a crush on him as he sat in a coffee shop reading Hemingway books instead of looking at his phone screen. You feel like you’ve caught Mr. God by the feet. He is loving, affectionate, understanding and well-mannered. He himself repeatedly talks about what values he got from home and that he connected with you because you are similar to his mother. He says you are everything to him. But you are not the most important woman in his life. It is your mother-in-law. The same thing also happened to Nicola Peltz, the new Mrs. Beckham. Just weeks after the fabulous wedding, new facts are coming out about her conflict with her mother-in-law, Victoria Beckham.
Where does mommy’s son syndrome come from? It’s hard to say unequivocally. Certainly, the background to this phenomenon is much more complex than we think. Studies that have been conducted for decades make it clear that character is formed in the first months of life. How we are brought up then has an impact on all our later life. You’ve probably heard more than once “don’t carry him in your arms or you’ll spoil him”, “let him cry”, “you have to wrap him tightly or he’ll get orphan disease”. These seemingly innocent pieces of advice, often heard from generation to generation, always have a grain of truth in them.
This problem can actually affect anyone. Whether you have a cleaning and cooking lady, a nanny or millions in your bank account to help you, how you raise your child is up to you.
Uncut umbilical cord
Our partner’s uncut umbilical cord is the aftermath of how he was treated and raised all these years. If all his life his parents have been bailing him out in everything and defending him even when he was wrong, it’s no wonder that now that he’s an adult he acts as if he’s still 10 years old. The only difference is that the role of housewife, cook and cleaner was taken over by you. And no matter how hard you try, you will never catch up to your mother-in-law in anything. A marriage in which the main role is played by your husband’s mother is doomed to failure in advance.
Husband’s mother – in her image and likeness
Your mother-in-law is a role model for your partner. The best, flawless, knowledgeable about everything. You should humbly accept all her advice and teachings. What’s more, model yourself after it and get inspired. After all, he knows and does everything best. There is even a glimmer of hope that you will soon be close to perfect. Why? Because, according to research, when choosing a partner, we often model ourselves after our parents. We do it unconsciously and completely automatically. It is related to the attachment we feel to those closest to us. It is the mother who is usually the first person we see coming into the world. She is the one who takes care of us and takes care of us from the first moments of life. The attachment to her is completely unconditional and in most cases remains with us for the rest of our lives.
Toxic relationships vs. healthy attachment
Experiments on attachment were conducted on geese by a famous zoologist, Konrad Lorenz . Back in the 1970s. In the 1970s, he discovered that the geese in his care were setting him up as a role model. Moreover, instead of choosing partners similar to themselves, they chose middle-aged men. He was awarded the Nobel Prize for his discoveries in the realm of individual and social behavior patterns. His research is still considered among the most important in the area today.
Both the research conducted by Lorenz and modern psychology show us that when choosing a partner, we are guided by what we already know. That’s why we associate with people similar to our parents. The relationship and life with such a person is something of a safe haven for us, which we already know very well.
Your future mother-in-law is an unsurpassed role model
Although you have been chosen in the image and likeness of your future mother-in-law there is still much to learn. You’ve probably heard more than once “my mother makes these chops a little differently” or “ask my mother, she’ll teach you”. You love your partner more than life, you know you want to be with him, but the constant comparisons can be really tiring. Complexes appear and self-esteem is lowered. You yourself are beginning to see that the daughter-in-law-in-law relationship is getting toxic. You start to get frustrated, because no one likes to be constantly a hair away from first place. And your chances of doing so are really slim. Winning with your mother-in-law is practically impossible, but is it unfeasible?
Mother-in-law wants to rule
No matter what you do and how you do it, how much heart you put into it and how hard you try, you are still second best. To your mother-in-law, everything comes with such ease. Every stumble is her forgiveness. She also doesn’t have to account for anything, because after all, she’s perfect! How about you? You are still trying to match her. You’re tired of hearing that you could have done something better, faster and more accurately, or worse, that you could have done it the way SHE did. These toxic relationships are bad for your psyche and well-being.
In the beginning, everything went well, and you had a great relationship with her. Ba, you even thought it was so great yourself. She raised her son well. It is because of her that he is what he is, and that is what you loved him for. You even had a very good relationship. Problems in paradise began much later. All the toxic behavior hidden deep under the cover of smiles and kindness began to come to the surface. The number of comparisons began to get on your nerves a lot, and she also eventually began to treat you as someone inferior to herself. You have noticed that your mother-in-law wants to rule in your own home. There were commands and uninvited advice. And just about every piece of advice on her part acts as a fuse to further conflicts. Every conversation you have with your mother-in-law begins with “my son said you don’t have time to take care of the house…”. Later, this prelude turns into a whole litany about how she always did a great job, reconciled household duties with raising a child, and on top of that, she was the perfect lover. The icing on the cake is undoubtedly the text about what her son likes best, how you should cook for him, do his laundry and satisfy him in the bedroom.
Nicola Peltz and her conflict with her mother-in-law
It all starts to pile up until you end up with a downpour. An overt conflict with the mother-in-law arises. There has been a lot of media coverage lately about the conflict in the Beckham family. Just four months ago, their eldest son Brooklyn Beckham had a fabulous wedding with beautiful actress Nicola Peltz, daughter of a well-known multimillionaire. Media around the world hailed it as the social event of the year. Not surprisingly. It attracted a crowd of front-page celebrity names such as Eva Longoria and Gordon Ramsey and cost a fortune. It was valued at more than $100 million. The wedding itself is also a very profitable business. The bride and groom sold photos of the ceremony for American Vogue.
Victoria Beckham, future mother-in-law
Just a few days after the wedding, the first reports of conflict between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law began to reach the press. At first, the press wrote about the fact that the bride did not wear a single gown designed by Victoria. She herself explained that her brand no longer sews wedding dresses for a long time, and her famous mother-in-law already has enough wedding-related stress, so she is glad that she was not responsible for the design of the dress. Friends of Mr. and Mrs. Beckham even reported to the press that Victoria “would be very happy to see her daughter-in-law go to the wedding in something she made especially for her.”
Conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
This was not the case, however, as Nicole chose a phenomenal gown by fashion house Valentino. Officially, in an interview with Variety magazine, Brooklyn’s wife confirmed that the reason for the conflict is the wedding dress. “I really wanted to choose one of Victoria’s design wedding dresses, but it turned out that her atelier is not able to prepare it. I had to choose a different dress,” she stated.
Victoria Beckham and her silent war on social media
Nowadays, the determinant of all conflicts is whether someone is watching us on Instagram, liking and commenting on photos. So it was taken into account that neither Victoria nor David reacted to the photos from the wedding shoot shared on Insta by Nicola. The cooling of relations between the bride and her in-laws probably took place shortly after the wedding, as they had often drunk from each other’s pecks in public beforehand.
A good relationship with your mother-in-law
The nail in the coffin reportedly became the cover of Tatler magazine, which featured a photo of Nicola with the caption “The new Mrs. Beckham.” The famous mother-in-law saw this as a slap aimed directly at her. At the time, she also ignored her daughter-in-law’s post about family being most important to her. Because of this sharp conflict, Nicola Peltz has become the world’s most hated daughter-in-law.
Brooklyn Beckham – mommy’s famous son
It has long been said that Brooklyn Beckham was the apple of Victoria’s eye. The famous mom from an early age tried to fulfill all the whims of her son, so she did not begrudge money for a lavish wedding. Behind-the-scenes talk is that the conflict itself came to a head when Brooklyn took his wife’s last name after the marriage and has since been called Peltz-Beckham. Rumors that he feels more like Peltz than Beckham since the wedding have also not quieted. For Victoria, this means severing the umbilical cord that until now has held her eldest son tightly to her. Although Brooklyn and Nicola got married back in April the excitement is still not cooling down. It is now also said that Nicole, who is 4 years older than Brooklyn, is no saint herself. There are more and more rumors about her on the Internet. Perhaps it’s only a matter of time until a lawyer for the Peltz-Beckham family comes to the fore to silence all speculation.
Peltz-Beckham bone of contention
The situation in the Peltz-Beckham family shows how complex the problem on the daughter-in-law-in-law line can be . Brooklyn, for whom until now the most important woman in his life was his mother, has officially decided to become independent. He always took her opinion into account when choosing his next partners and asked for advice on relationships. His wedding to Nicola Peltz completely changed his previous attitude.
The question, however, is how long will it last in this arrangement? Time will tell whether he has completely severed the umbilical cord from his own mother or whether he will nevertheless return to the old arrangement. So far, the official side of the conflict between the Beckham ladies is unknown, but it can be guessed that Victoria can’t get over the fact that her son is arranging his life away from his famous parents and, most importantly, away from her. The father, David Beckham is not speaking out on the issue for now and seems to be staying away from this media conflict.
Think about yourself and your family
When deciding on a relationship, you are always aware that there will be someone else in your life. This stowaway is your partner’s family. If your mother-in-law tries to interfere in your life together, it’s important to set a clear boundary. Let her know that you have decided to have a relationship with her son, not with her. Don’t let yourself be humiliated, think of yourself and your family, your happiness together is the most important thing. For the sake of each couple, it is very important to delineate this. Then the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can become truly ideal.