In a world full of dating apps, where casual sex or friends-with-benefits relationships reign supreme, you can still find people who prioritize an emotional bond with their partner. Such people are called demisexuals. Demisexuality itself has become increasingly popular in recent times. So what is it?

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What is demisexuality?

Demisexuality is very well known to everyone. This is not a new concept, however, it has only recently been given a name. It’s hard to really determine whether it’s sexual attraction, sexual orientation, psychosexual orientation or maybe just a preference. One thing is certain – it’s the way in which the erotic attraction to another person is felt. In this case, a strong emotional bond must be established first, only then can any physical contact occur. Sex on the first date? It’s definitely coming off!

Who is a demisexual?

Demisexuals are long-distance runners. The chances of a sufficiently strong bond forming at the first meeting are rather slim to say nil. These people must first of all trust the other person and feel safe with him, sexuality and desire come much later. There must also be affection, and in the case of casual sex this is simply impossible. Interestingly, a demisexual can be anyone regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Thus, this applies to both heterosexual and homosexual people.

Emotional attraction

People who are driven by emotional attraction in their lives pay much less attention to their partner’s physical appearance. Thick hair, a killer smile or a muscular physique are no indicator for them. They direct their feelings to the other person for completely different reasons. First of all, they are observers. They test and see if they can rely on the other person. If they have no objections to it, they can completely surrender to the feeling. Sexual attraction only can occur when they are sure of their partner.

Demisexuals must feel emotionally attracted to their partner before intimate rapprochement can occur.

Sex on the first date? He’s out!

Demisexuality is also distinguished by the fact that it is not based on shallow and superficial affection. Here the feeling is born slowly and at its own pace. As a result, these relationships are much more durable, and often even for life. People don’t bond on the spur of the moment, there is no casual sex, and thus no disappointment. The long cognitive process and the establishment of an emotional attraction to the partner results in an almost ideal one. It is based on friendship, trust and deep affection, and these are probably the most important foundations of a successful relationship. In the case of this sex drive, there is no question of coincidence. Every decision is deeply considered. Therefore, it is aimed exclusively at people who do not believe in love at first sight.

Love and sex

Although sex in demisexuals does not come first, this does not mean that it is not important at all. It just comes to it much later. This creates sexual tension between partners, which explodes at the right moment. Sex then is anticipated and amazing, and most importantly, with a loved one. Sexual contacts are not based only on physicality, but primarily on the connection of souls.

Where to meet a partner?

Demisexuals often wonder where to meet a partner who will meet all the requirements. The answer is simple. Everywhere! This can be while out with friends, on a blind date or thanks to the recently popular dating apps . Of course, probably most of the people who logged in there are looking for a friends with benefits relationship, there is still that small percentage of people who dream of a lasting and stable relationship based on affection.

To fall in love one (long) step

These relationships are often born not only over many weeks, months, but even years. That’s why they are popular among… friends. Research doesn’t lie. More than half of male-female friendships develop into a permanent relationship over time. This is a perfect example of demisexual relationships. They are built slowly, without haste. They are not based on physical attraction, but precisely on a strong emotional bond. So if one day you wake up in the morning with the conviction that you can’t imagine life without your friend, it could be a sign that you are demisexual.

Love or love?

However, it is important to keep in mind that our friend will not always reflect our feelings. Although there is sexual tension between friends, many of them want to stop there. Love is not always born out of friendship. Then friends must remain friends, and a potential partner must be sought elsewhere.

Demisexuality - what does it consist of? Emotional sexual attraction or sexual orientation? Who is a demisexual? 3

Downsides of being a demisexual

Demisexuality also has disadvantages. The biggest of these is the lack of acceptance from other people. Many people don’t understand that they want to wait for sex until they are 100 percent sure of their feelings and that they have a strong enough bond. For this reason, they are also often said to be asexual. Nothing could be further from the truth. Demisexuals love sex. But they love to make love to the person who is important to them. Although it might seem strange and incomprehensible, there are still many people who wait with sex at least until marriage. In this way, they counter that nowadays sex has become casual and easily accessible. One such person, for example, is supermodel Adriana Lima, who waited until she was 27 before deciding to have sex. It was then that she married her longtime partner Marko Jaric.

Demisexuality vs. sapiosexuality

But confusing this relationship with asexuality is not unique. It is also common to mix these two concepts with sapiosexuality. Sapiosexuality is also based on building a deeper and more lasting relationship. However, this is a very different pull than an emotional bond. In the case of sapiosexuality, partners are interested in the intellect. In order for an intimate rapprochement to take place, they must first have confidence that their partner will satisfy their hunger for knowledge and conversation, that he can impress them with his intellect. These two psychosexual orientations are distinguished precisely because a bond must first be established before any physical contact can occur at all. It acts as a kind of aphrodisiac, without which there will definitely be no sex.

Test for demisexuality

If all this is close to you, it is very possible that she is demisexual. In fact, when looking for a partner, all you need to do is answer a few simple questions:

  • What do I expect from a relationship?
  • Is sex important to me?
  • Do I favor an emotional bond over physical attraction?
  • Do you pay attention to your partner’s physical appearance?
  • Would you choose to have casual sex?
  • Would you agree to have sex on your first date?

An honest answer to all these questions will help you determine your orientation.

New old psychosexual orientation

Of course, you don’t have to brag to everyone about the demisexual patch. This is just so you can more easily understand what you expect from your partner and from the relationship. This will make it easier for you to accept the current situation and not worry about the voices of others. You can calmly listen to only one of them – the voice of your heart.


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