Polski
One in four people worldwide claims to have fallen in love on vacation, and as many as 40% believe that it’s easier to meet “the one” away from home. At the same time, research shows that only 12% return with a viable vacation romance, and 73% of couples admit that traveling together can… brutally verify their relationship. Why the sun and anonymity can mess with your head more than midnight champagne, how to avoid broken hearts, and whether a holiday spark can turn into something lasting – this is what I discuss with Rev. Dr. Marek Dziewiecki, a psychologist and pastor who has been studying the dynamics of summer infatuations for two decades.
Table of Contents:
- Why are vacations conducive to romance?
- Anonymity vs. inhibitions
- Mechanism of holiday infatuation
- Enjoying the moment or paying attention?
- Women’s perspective – emotions and risks
- Limits and consequences of physical proximity
- How men perceive romance
- Can holiday love survive?
- Love in a steady relationship during the vacations
Why are vacations conducive to romance?
Priest Doctor, vacation, alcohol, sun, beach…. So easy to have a holiday romance…. After all, why shouldn’t we make new relationships while on vacation?
Indeed, free time, being out in nature, relaxing, long summer evenings, reaching for alcohol or other psychotropic substances, all make it easier to connect with new people. Such circumstances also arouse a longing to experience something new and uplifting. Dreams of meeting someone special and finding a great friend arise. Holiday infatuation is almost inevitable for teenagers and young adults who do not yet have a “second half.” Also, adults during the vacations are more likely to build new bonds than on a daily basis, especially if they spend this time alone, without their loved ones.
Anonymity vs. inhibitions
On the other hand – the awareness of anonymity also fosters closer relationships?
It’s true. Being far away from home, and even more so vacationing abroad, where there is almost zero likelihood of meeting familiar people, encourages behavior that we would rather not allow ourselves in our place of residence or in the company of people we know. Being in our own environment comes with certain pressures and rules, which also affect us to some degree when we would spontaneously want to behave differently.
Mechanism of holiday infatuation
Why are we so eager to opt for romance during the holiday season?
Usually this is not a conscious and pre-planned decision. Emotional infatuations, which can result in what we call love affairs, occur largely spontaneously. We are often surprised by it ourselves. This happens especially when our daily life lacks the experience of love, intimacy and a sense of security with people important to us. Man is a social being. He is an encounter. The Bible says that loneliness is the first source of suffering for us.
Enjoying the moment or paying attention?
Maybe sometimes it’s better to forget that romance is not love, nor an immediately lasting relationship…. And enjoy the moment?
It is good to enjoy the moment when we do so in such a reasonable way that we are not in danger of disappointment and long-term suffering later . Love is not a feeling or a crush. It is an attitude of faithful care for another person. Love requires sacrifice, responsibility, service, discipline and self-control.
Women’s perspective – emotions and risks
Women are more emotional, they fall in love faster, they are more sensitive…. It will probably be quite hard for a woman to get over the idea that she was treated as a holiday adventure? No one wants to be treated as an episode in another person’s life. [ Signs of an immature partner: vulgarities, excess alcohol, lack of empathy […].
Limits and consequences of physical proximity
From the thousands of conversations I have had with teenagers and adults who have made mistakes in building bonds with the other sex and are suffering greatly, it is clear that the turning point in the warping of the male-female relationship was the agreement to spend the night just the two of us under one roof. […] “The world’s shortest novel…” When I discuss this topic with teenagers, I quote the world’s shortest novel […]
How men perceive romance
When interacting with people of the other sex, women are generally more moved than men. They enjoy the mood of the moment. They focus on the conversation. They float ideas in their hearts about how beautifully their mutual bond will develop. Men, on the other hand, strive more for physical proximity. They are visual people. It is easier for them to focus on a woman’s body and outward appearance. In contrast, it is more difficult for them to empathize with a woman’s thoughts, experiences and desires. Men have a biologically determined tendency to move quickly from socializing to touching, hugging, kissing. Women should keep this in mind and help men respect reasonable rules and boundaries in mutual contact.
Can holiday love survive?
However, not all vacation relationships have to end with the vacations?
Of course, such relationships do not necessarily turn out to be pleasant, but only a temporary episode. I know happy couples whose happy love story began with meeting unknown people on vacation trails. I know friends who have faithfully supported each other for decades, and the beginning of their friendship turned out to be a scout camp, a canoe trip or a mountain climb. The important thing is to build bonds without rushing. If he and she stay in touch after the vacation , if they call and write to each other, if they start visiting each other often despite the long distance, it may turn out that this vacation will affect the rest of their lives in a joyful way.
Love in a steady relationship during the vacations
The vacations are also a good time to experience romance in your own relationship?
I prefer to call it a good time to strengthen mutual love and the joy of being together. During the vacations , spouses or those who have already formed permanent couples have a chance to be all hours for each other. They are rested, relieved from the tasks of daily life. Consequently, they have a good opportunity to understand each other better and support each other more. They have the time and the chance to surprise the other person with signs of care, tenderness and gratitude more often than in everyday life.
Information about the interviewees:
Rev. Dr. Marek Dziewiecki was interviewed by Marta Dybinska.
