Never say never - And I never... after all!

Are you familiar with the famous saying “Never say never”?

How funny life is (do you think so too?). Sometimes you think you understand an expression, but after a while, life, however, turns this “I think” into dust and you have the opportunity to get the privilege of understanding something very deeply, to-the-skin, intramuscularly even. To the point of pain.

I, too, have been given this honor, which is why I want to share with you why I will never say never again, and also on the occasion of “cleaning my dictionary”, I will add to it, or rather throw out the statement “And I always…”.

“Never” and “always” are two extreme poles, and as we all know, extremes serve no one. Too hot here, too cold there. They are pendulums that, to their delight, keep us in check so that we don’t accidentally see that between “never” and “always” there is a huge space called freedom, letting go and acceptance. A space that few are able to reach.

The need to evaluate, which most of us have within us, is tantamount to ensuring that we have the ground under our feet, the kind of roots that keep us from feeling like social orphans. Because, after all, none of us wants to feel lonely, we want to feel that we belong somewhere, to something. We want to feel any kind of ground under our feet, even if it were to be a wobbly paving slab. The important thing is that it is there, you can stand, but the chance of dislocating your ankle is very high….

How many times have you said “and I never…” and did it happen to you that along with those spoken words, the Universe answered you with “well, we’ll seeabout that”. And by some magical, seeming means, it turns out that not infrequently after many years (!), (and in the case of some it happens in express mode) you do what previously resounded from your lips as “and I never”? Then you understand your mother, father, or a loved one with whom you have had a romantic relationship? Well, and you get a blow to the head, fall to your knees to pick up the crumbs of what’s left of “and I never” from the floor and still sweep up after yourself. And you, after all, never sweep, only vacuum.

Sometimes what we consider boring, gray and tasteless, after some time turns out to be very colorful, interesting and is our greatest happiness. An oasis of peace, harmony. I, for example, when I lived in Spain, loved the hustle and bustle, the chaos, the turmoil. The fact that someone is shouting over your ear, the fact that you hear farting scooters in the background, constantly, at night and in the morning, that until your cup of coffee falls out of your hands. Poland seemed to me gray and what to say – never interesting, and always boring. However, after living abroad for many years, my needs have changed and what I just thought was boring and uninteresting has become the object of my curiosity and one of the ingredients of happiness. And so this “never” can become your liberation and happiness. And I still love Spain, but with a different love.

On the other hand, there is this “and I always”. Something like we handcuff ourselves to a particular idea, state. This is the padlock that appears as another on the bridges of the cities titled “The Bridge. “A +T = Love forever.” But supposedly after time and these padlocks tear off (Oops, didn’t you know?) to make room for evidence of love of the next lovers. Well, and we will insist on this idea, even if the rocks… well, you know yourself. And the world is changing, we are changing, our needs, perspectives, viewpoints are changing. And this “always” is tantamount to voluntarily strapping on the ball of one’s foot and putting on eye-flaps (no, not flip-flops, flip-flops, the kind from a horse). I can’t see anything, I can’t hear anything, and well, I don’t move, because how can I, with such a burden.

Do you know the story about the pot and the sausage? Mother cooks the sausage and always cuts off the two ends. And so on throughout his life, without asking himself why he does it. Then her daughter, doing exactly the same thing, obviously taught by her mother. But at some point something touched her and she asked her mom why she always cuts off the damn sausage ends? Mom said “I don’t know, my mother used to do that, let’s ask her”. So they asked their grandmother, and she said, “Well, I always peeled off the ends of the sausage, because I had too small a pot.” Tadam! The curtain falls with the jaws.

“Well, after all, I won’t do otherwise, because I always…”. And we ourselves, without even realizing it, brick by brick, build ourselves a wall and lose our connection with ourselves. Few will have the courage to, once the wall is built, see a view you don’t like, say “I’m banging it,” and instead of a higher wall, add a beautiful bridge. Well, now the view will be noble, and new paths will appear as well. New and better, if only we go into it with confidence.

That’s why sometimes it’s worth asking yourself why I think the way I do and not the way I do, and letting go (not to be confused with giving up!). Give yourself a chance to change your perspective, be flexible and forgiving… most of all to yourself. Because the perspective can change very quickly, like in a kaleidoscope. In the morning you may think so, and in the afternoon you may think differently. Because a lot of time has passed since the morning, you have already seen more, experienced more, and “always” and “never” may have turned into a feeling of freedom.