In every relationship, there are moments when one or both parties may experience a lack of desire for intercourse. This phenomenon can result from a variety of factors, both physical and emotional. For many couples, especially those in longer relationships, the emergence of this problem can be frustrating. However, instead of ignoring the problem, it is worth taking steps to understand the causes and find ways to improve intimacy in the relationship.

Table of Contents:

Reasons for not wanting HSDD

The study by S. Kingsberg and J. Simon on “Sexual Desire Disorder in Women” is an important source of information on hyposexual sexual desire disorder named in the study as (HSDD) in women. The disorder shares some similarities with depression, which underscores the need for a holistic approach to diagnosis and treatment.

Editorial recommends: Bullying at school and its impact on the psychological development of children and adolescents

The study defines HSDD as a persistent or recurrent lack of sexual thoughts or fantasies, or lack of sexual desire, that is associated with marked personal discomfort and interpersonal difficulties. It cannot be better attributed to another primary disorder, medications or general health. This study is crucial for doctors, therapists and other women’s health professionals because it provides a comprehensive overview of HSDD, from etiology to treatment. She emphasizes the need for a proactive approach to diagnosing and treating HSDD, which can significantly improve the quality of life for women suffering from the disorder.


Stress and fatigue

Stress and fatigue are two common issues that have a significant impact on the intimate sphere in a relationship. A daily life full of responsibilities, the constant challenges of a stressful job or family difficulties, often result in reduced energy levels and enthusiasm for intimate activity. Prolonged tension can lead to a significant decrease in libido, which in turn negatively affects the ability to experience pleasure in the bedroom.

When faced with constant stress, the body can respond by secreting stress hormones such as cortisol, which can inhibit the production of sex hormones. This, in turn, leads to a reduction in sexual desire and the quality of intimate experiences. Increased stress levels can also affect the ability to focus on momentary pleasure, making it difficult to achieve full satisfaction from a sexual relationship.

In addition, prolonged stress can cause physical and mental fatigue, causing those struggling with it to often feel a lack of desire for intimate intercourse. Instead of relaxing in the bedroom, they become more prone to feeling exhausted, which is another obstacle to a harmonious sexual sphere in a relationship.

What to do about it?

To counteract the negative impact of stress and fatigue, it is crucial to focus on balancing responsibilities with time for rest. Planning moments of relaxation together, such as taking a walk or relaxing together with music or a good movie, can help relieve tension and restore mental balance. In addition, talking about expectations of each other and building coping strategies together can provide a solid foundation for improving intimate life in the long term.

When you don't feel like having sex

Communication challenges

Communication challenges in the intimate sphere can be a significant problem in a relationship when there is a lack of open conversation about partners’ needs, desires and expectations. Misunderstanding and inconsistencies in this area can lead to communication barriers that, over time, negatively affect the quality of relationships. Conversations about intimacy are a key element in maintaining a healthy relationship, and their absence can result in the disappearance of emotional and physical closeness between partners.

Lack of open communication can lead to incorrect assumptions and inaccuracies about intimate expectations. Each party may interpret their partner’s signals differently, resulting in unmet needs and a lack of mutual understanding. As a result, uncertainty can arise in the relationship, which can lead to stagnation in intimate life.

How to counter this?

To overcome communication difficulties, it is important to build an atmosphere of trust and acceptance in which both parties can freely share their expectations and desires. Honest conversations about intimacy should be conducted in an atmosphere of respect and gentleness to avoid conflict and build understanding and acceptance of each other’s needs.

Defining intimate goals and expectations together can also promote a more satisfying sex life. In addition, the ability to listen to one’s partner, express one’s own feelings and respect boundaries are key to developing a healthy and satisfying intimate sphere in the long term.

Hormonal changes

Hormonal changes, especially those occurring in women during menopause, are an important factor affecting the intimate sphere in a relationship. During this period, women experience natural hormonal changes, such as a drop in estrogen levels. These changes can result in a variety of symptoms, including decreased libido. An understanding of these processes by both parties in a relationship is key to maintaining harmony and satisfaction in the relationship.

During menopause, a woman may experience vaginal dryness, soreness during intercourse and a reduction in the elasticity of tissues, the vagina which can lead to discomfort during intimate activity. In addition, mood swings, sleep problems and fatigue, which are common companions of menopause, can further affect the level of desire for sexual intercourse.

What to do in this situation?

It is crucial that partners are aware of these changes and try to find solutions together. It is important to openly express feelings and needs, and to be ready to understand the other person’s situation. A joint visit to a specialist, such as a gynecologist, can help identify specific health problems and consult on appropriate solutions.

In addition, it is important to make changes in intimate life in accordance with the partner’s new hormonal situation. This could include using vaginal moisturizers, exploring new forms of intimate activity, or taking a more thoughtful approach to planning moments together. A shared understanding and acceptance of these changes can strengthen the bond between partners, as well as assist in exploring new aspects of intimacy tailored to the changing needs of both parties. Finally, emotional support, showing concern and patience are key to maintaining a healthy relationship in the face of the hormonal changes that naturally occur in every woman’s life.

Routine and monotony

Routine and monotony

Routine and monotony in daily life can challenge intimate life in a long-term relationship. Repetitive patterns, standard rituals and predictable activities can lead to a waning interest in intimate activity. Often, when life becomes monotonous, we feel a lack of arousal and excitement, which can translate into the intimate sphere, leading to a decrease in the desire for rapprochement.

Editorial recommends: Body acceptance and sexual confidence after 50 – changes and challenges

How to overcome this problem?

Introducing variety and novelty into intimate life is a key element in keeping a relationship fresh and emotionally stimulating. It’s worth experimenting with new positions, places or fantasies to refresh your shared experience and discover new aspects of your intimacy. Openness to new ideas and a willingness to explore can lead to a stronger bond between partners.

It is also important to understand that the introduction of variety does not necessarily mean radical changes. Even small modifications in daily habits, such as changing the place or time for shared intimacy, can help break the monotony. It is also important to understand and accept each other’s concerns or fantasies, if any, which can make it possible to build a satisfying intimate sphere together.

Low libido

Low libido

Low libido in women is an issue that can affect both their personal well-being and relationship dynamics. There are a number of factors that can contribute to a decline in sexual desire in women, requiring understanding, empathy and shared commitment from the partner. Understanding these aspects and making concerted efforts to find solutions are key to maintaining harmony in the intimate sphere.

Low libido in women is often associated with psychological factors, such as stress, fatigue, anxiety or problems with bodily well-being. It is also affected by hormonal changes, especially during pregnancy, after childbirth or during menopause. In these cases, understanding from the partner, emotional support and open communication are extremely important.

How can this be remedied?

If you have a low libido, it is important to avoid judgment and pressure from your partner. An open conversation about feelings and needs, enriched with empathy and understanding, can help identify the causes of the problem and find common solutions. It is also worth consulting a professional, such as a sexologist or psychologist, for support and expert advice.


Pregnancy is a special time in a woman’s life, full of physical and emotional changes. One aspect that can change during pregnancy is libido. For many women, especially in the first and last trimesters, experiencing a decrease in desire for sex is a perfectly natural phenomenon. There are several factors that contribute to this phenomenon, and understanding them is key for a partner to maintain healthy communication and shared understanding.

The first trimester of pregnancy is often associated with extreme hormonal changes, which can lead to feelings of fatigue, nausea and even breast soreness. During this period, a woman’s body is mainly focused on preparing to carry and develop the baby, which can make the intimate sphere less of a priority.

During the last months of pregnancy, physical changes such as an increasing belly or swelling can affect a woman’s intimate comfort and confidence. In addition, concerns about the safety of the baby and fears of childbirth can affect the psyche, which can also affect the level of desire for sexual activity.

How to counter this problem?

It is crucial for the partner to understand that these changes are the result of physiological processes associated with pregnancy, and do not mean a loss of interest or attraction. The partner can show emotional support, as well as participate in these special moments, emphasizing other forms of closeness and communication, which may not necessarily include sexual activity.

It is important to have an open conversation, sharing feelings and expectations about intimate life during pregnancy. Understanding and support from the partner, are an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship during this unique period.

When you don't feel like having sex

Mental illnesses

Mental illnesses, such as depression, can significantly affect a woman’s intimate sphere and lead to a decreased desire to have sex with her partner. Depression is a condition that not only affects mental well-being, but also physical functioning of the body, including energy levels and interest in intimate activities. Understanding this aspect is crucial for a partner to be able to support their partner during a difficult time in her life.

A person struggling with depression often experiences chronic fatigue, loss of energy, apathy and a decreased ability to feel pleasure. These symptoms can make intimacy one of the areas where it is difficult to find interest. In addition, the problematic thoughts or negative emotions that accompany depression can significantly affect the ability to focus on an intimate relationship.

How to react in such a situation?

In the case of depression, it is crucial not only to understand the physical symptoms, but also to understand your partner’s mental state. Depression often leads to feelings of worthlessness, loss of interests or even guilt. The partner can help the woman by showing empathy, patience and a willingness to support her in the healing process, which often includes psychological therapy and/or pharmacotherapy.

An important element of support for a partner struggling with depression is open communication about feelings, concerns and intimate needs. A partner can be an ally in seeking professional help and in creating a safe place where a woman will feel accepted and understood. Working together in the process of treating depression can help regain mental balance and improve the intimate relationship in a relationship.

Not wanting to have intercourse with your husband can be a difficult experience, but it is important not to underestimate the problem. Open communication, understanding of the causes and joint search for solutions, can help improve intimacy in a relationship. In difficult situations, it is also a good idea to enlist the help of a specialist to help find effective coping strategies.

Editorial recommends: Postpartum recovery more important than a “six-pack”


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *