Polski
How many times in our lives do we fall in love? Whether we want it or not – romantic love is crucial to the survival of the species. Man is biologically adapted to fall in love. This does not mean, of course, that every love is the same. The relationship also goes through different stages.
How many times do we fall in love? According to the CBOS survey “Question about true love,” as many as 74% of people have experienced the feeling of falling madly in love only once in their lives. However, the faces of romantic love are different. There is also a theory that a person can truly fall in love 3 times. What does it actually mean?
First love ie ?
Recently, a popular notion has been circulating on the Internet that a person falls in love 3 times – probably its originator was Kate Rose, author of You Only Fall in Love Three Times: The Secret Search for Our Twin Flame. She wrote that there are the following types of love: first love, difficult love and love that lasts. Do we pursue each of them in a different relationship? Not necessarily, although this is often the case.
According to another theory about the 3 types of love, which was developed and propagated by anthropologist Helen Fisher, affection can take the forms of: passion, passion and commitment. Again, the relationship may go through each of these stages or end more quickly and never fully develop.
First love - is it always the one?
The first love is the one that hits a person with tremendous force, usually in youth. Youthful love is idealized and is supposed to be the only one forever. The most important thing in this case is how the person in love is perceived by the object of sighs – not how they feel.
However, this does not mean that such love cannot be complete. Finally, almost ¾ of respondents to the Polish survey indicated that they had fallen in love only once in their lives. Relatively many people spend their lives with, for example, a partner from school.
First love may just evolve. It is also often repressed – decades later it is not taken seriously, but rather as a phase, a moment of oblivion in youth.
Second love - difficult, crazy, but often toxic
The second kind of love is difficult. It teaches what a person is looking for in a relationship and what they expect from love. However, it is often associated with many emotions – not necessarily positive ones. It is frantic and addictive, but often also obsessive and toxic. In such relationships there are manipulations, lies, betrayals, unrealistic expectations, even violence….
Many people fall into the trap of difficult love – repeating the same pattern over and over again, but with different partners. Sometimes the first love just turns into a difficult one. Some try to maintain the relationship at all costs. But is it really worth it?
Want to find out what behaviors in a relationship indicate that it is toxic? Read an article on GentleWoman about it, What is Gaslighting.
The third love - the one that lasts
In the aforementioned CBOS survey, respondents also told what true love is to them. For 30% it is intrinsically linked to loyalty and trust, 15% see it as the selfless pursuit of the other person’s happiness, and for 14% it is simply respect.
All of the above components of love make up this third one. Such love surprises from the beginning – on the one hand, it was not planned, and on the other – it seems impossible. In the end, there is no need to pretend anything, there is no pressure, and in return there is boundless acceptance of the other person. This is the best kind of relationship – it involves friendship between partners and mutual sexual attraction. It is healthy, although, if not cared for, routine can creep into the relationship.
Three stages of a relationship: desire, passion, commitment
According to research, different processes take place in the body of a person in love, depending on what stage the relationship is at.
Desire is simply an instinct based on a fairly simple physical attraction. Passion, on the other hand, is related to the desire to spend time with the person. Everything is new and exciting. This stage often blinds you, and when the butterflies and accelerated heartbeat disappear (usually after 6-12 months) – there is a real test for the relationship.
If two people still have common topics to talk about, maintain intimacy in the relationship, want to share experiences, and on top of that accept both the flaws and merits of the partner – you can talk about commitment. The next stages of the relationship are an adventure for them. Such couples are far more likely to form stable, long relationships, are able to understand each other and do not feel destructive jealousy.
Is there more than one kind of love?
In fact, it seems that love can come as many times as a person allows it to come. It can vary, change over time, evolve. It doesn’t always bring joy. But it is always true and carries invaluable lessons for the future.
It is also important to remember that mature love has nothing to do with the initial rapture. It is a strong bond built over the years that can withstand the toughest test. And although the beauty or love games will one day pass away, you will continue to be able to count on the respect and friendship of your other half. So if you feel that your current partner is your other half, but not your first love, don’t worry! GentleWoman ensures that your loved one is definitely the one.
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