Probably most women have seen the movie “It’s Only Sex,” starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. It would seem to be another romantic comedy of the many. But are you sure? The script for it was written by life itself especially since more and more people are now opting for friends-with-benefits relationships. Sex without commitment can be really addictive, but is it an option for everyone?
Table of Contents:
- Friends with benefits – what is it?
- Relationship principles
- FWB – an (un)safe game
- Advantages of a friends with benefits relationship
- Sex in a relationship…without a relationship
- Shame on your partner
- A closed heart and an open mind
- Swingers – meetings not only for couples
- Where can you make a sex friend?
- Dating apps
- How is FWB different from other relationships?
- For women with strong nerves
- Enter at your own risk
Friends with benefits – what is it?
Friends with benefits is a relationship between two people who are not in a formal relationship. They spend time with each other: they go out to the movies, have dinner, go on vacation and have sex. All this to have a nice time. It is a relationship based primarily on giving and taking pleasure from the other person. Its premise is that no feelings can creep in that could spoil everything. Why? That’s because when infatuation occurs there is also a range of other emotions such as sentiments, expectations and even jealousy. And yet that was not the deal. Well, that’s where the key word falls: CONTRACT. Because the FWB relationship is based on simple rules that two adults agree on, and following them is a simple path to success.
The problem arises when one person starts to feel something. Since it’s fun, there are shared passions, interests and passion, it’s not hard at all to get butterflies in the stomach. Only then will the assumption of friends with benefits lie in ruins. Well, but who said it can’t turn into a permanent relationship? In theory, no one — no one except the partner with whom the contract was in effect. The fact that one party felt something more does not at all mean that the other party also feels the same. In such a situation, it often ends not only with a broken heart, but also with the severance of all contacts.
FWB – an (un)safe game
Unfortunately, a relationship of this type is not reserved for everyone. People who opt only for relationships with benefits based on pleasure and sex often later have problems with interpersonal relationships and creating a stable relationship. They have the misconception that the ideal relationship exists. And the truth is that even among the most well-matched couples there are minor tiffs and misunderstandings. A person is full of different emotions, so you can’t believe in always being perfect. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, when you need to reach out and get to know each other’s habits. In a friends with benefits relationship there is no room for all this. Because it is mainly based on sex, it is stripped of deeper feelings such as love and trust in the other person.
Advantages of a friends with benefits relationship
But despite appearances, the “pleasure friends” relationship also has many advantages. This is an ideal option for people who do not want to get involved in any serious relationships. Why? Perhaps they are heartbroken after the previous one, or maybe they just want to try something new. The most important thing, however, is to feel good about it and not to force yourself to continue such a “relationship.” On one women’s group Kasia writes, “Friends with benefits is the best thing that happened to me in life. We go for a good shamrock, we have a awesome sex And we never argue, because we have nothing to argue about. I don’t care what he does with his buddies, I don’t check his phone, in fact I don’t give a damn. What matters is the here and now.” It’s hard to disagree with that. Especially with this sentence about sex.
Sex in a relationship…without a relationship
There’s a reason FWBs are otherwise known as sex friends with benefits. Such a relationship is often mainly based on sex, and this is the only glue that binds two complete strangers together. The fact that they don’t know each other and don’t worry about their feelings makes them shed their brakes. Finally, they can try new things in bed: from erotic toys to the strangest positions found in the kamasutra. The sex is wild and passionate. One as if it were to be the last. Sex friends can still seek out new erotic challenges, and they are happy to do so because they know that they absolutely do not have to be ashamed of their partner.
Shame on your partner
And it is often shame that is the fuse through which people decide to enter a friends-with-benefits relationship. In a steady relationship, they are afraid to talk openly about their needs for fear that it might frighten the other person they care about. Probably most women remember the famous scene from “Ready for Anything,” when the husband of one of the main characters admits to enjoying sex where the woman is dominant. This includes handcuffs and other sex gadgets. It was for this purpose that he was meeting his lover, or rather, his sex friend, because apart from playing with each other in bed they had just nothing in common.
A closed heart and an open mind
Human psychology also leaves no illusions. Contrary to popular belief, it is not only men who think about sex. According to a study, women think about it on average every 50 minutes every day! They are also open to making changes in their bedroom, trying completely new sexual positions and satisfying their sexual needs. The same research also shows that women cheat more often than men. This means that they are really open to a whole new experience. In most cases, infidelity does not involve them wanting to leave their current partner, with whom they feel safe. They simply want to try something new, including threesome sex. A no-commitment relationship without emotional commitment is the ideal space for this. Lack of commitment is often a lack of brakes, and it is freedom and independence that women seek outside of a permanent relationship.
Swingers – meetings (not) only for couples
All this also makes swingers’ meetings increasingly popular. In theory, they are arranged by couples who want to have sex with other people. That is why being in a friends with benefits relationship it is much easier to use this option. There is no jealousy or any feelings that could get in the way of getting the most pleasure out of intimate encounters. The main thing about swinging is that the partner has to consent to the other half’s sex, since everything takes place in his presence. So it’s not always easy to look at it from the perspective of marriage or a permanent relationship.
Where can you make a sex friend?
But swingers clubs are not the only place where you can meet people willing to have sex. In fact, they can be found everywhere: in a bar, a club, and even a museum! People who are just looking for sex friends are open to flirting and are eager to hook up with strangers. They lure you with their eyes while sitting at the bar or accost you during your morning jog. Just look around or go on the attack yourself. Especially after the pandemic, when people were confined to their homes, they are thirsty for human contact. They willingly respond to taunts and provocations and have sex with each other.
For those who are afraid of such direct confrontation and prefer to explore the terrain at first, there remain dating apps . The most popular of these is undoubtedly TINDER, which was created just for adventurous sex! The premise of the app’s creators was that complete strangers who feel like having sex can easily and quickly find a partner or mate. All you have to do is mark your location and gender or age preferences, and a whole list of people in the area appears on the screen. And although TINDER has now become a dating app like Sympathy or Badoo, where people are also looking for love and permanent relationships, you can still find a sex friend there without a problem. All you have to do is read the posted descriptions and thus make your search easier.
How is FWB different from other relationships?
Reading the descriptions, one can come across a wide range of proposals. Some are just looking for a friends-with-benefits relationship, others write explicitly that they are only interested in casual sex, and still others are looking for someone for a threesome. Sex friends, however, are distinguished by the fact that they meet regularly and spend time with each other, not just having sex. Therefore, there must be a thread of understanding between them not only in bed matters. The FWB type of relationship is thus a kind of open relationship in which partners want to satisfy each other’s needs.
For women with strong nerves
However, it is important to remember that friends-with-benefits relationships are not for everyone. As we mentioned earlier, this is a relationship between two people who are not emotionally involved. Therefore, you need to have your own mental comfort in the back of your mind. People in a FWB relationship must feel good about themselves, be happy and, above all, be free of complexes. Lack of self-esteem can lead to a number of unpleasant consequences, as one girl writes about on a group for women: “I got into it (we friend with benefits, editor’s note) because I was sick of steady relationships, the arguments and expectations. I thought that’s what I wanted at that moment, and it came out even worse. The guy I was dating was wonderful, and I thought this is what an ideal relationship should look like. I fell in love with him, and he broke contact with me when he found out. All of this has made me sick of any relationships now, I would most prefer not to leave the house at all…”
Enter at your own risk
So if you are looking for a relationship based on friendship and sex then friends with benefits is just for you. Being open-minded to new possibilities can bring many surprising twists and turns, because no one said that in time it can’t turn into a permanent and lasting relationship. After all, the happiest couples are the ones who have been friends before. They know they can trust each other and entrust their innermost secrets… and desires. Also the bed ones.